Read me
Josey Vogels
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Learn to get comfy in the buff, say the authors of The Stripper's Guide to Looking Great Naked
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Just because school's out and you've put away the textbooks doesn't mean you have to stop learning. Here are some titles that might teach you a thing or two - whether it's fun facts about your vagina, how to become a better kisser or a better dater, how to look great naked, or how to start your own sex-toy party company. Sounds a lot more fun than algebra, don't you think?The Stripper's Guide to Looking Great Naked by Jennifer Axen and Leigh Phillips (Chronicle Books)
How can you not trust tips on how to look good naked from someone who makes her living looking great naked? The authors interviewed hundreds of strippers for this fun book full of simple tricks of the trade. Who knew strawberries can cure bad breath? And just how do you hide the evidence at "that time of the month"? Cut the string before inserting, of course, or tie a knot first for easy removal.
1. If you have a boyish figure, what is the best pubic hair "do" for you?
a) Bald as an eagle
b) The Inverted Pyramid
c) The Landing Strip
d) The Natural
Kissing School: Seven Lessons on Love, Lips, and Life Force by Cherie Byrd (Sasquatch Books)
I honestly think they should add kissing to the grade-school curriculum. How else are you supposed to learn? Which is why a lot of people simply don't. You've been with them, right? The mashers, the slobberers and the pursers. And while it would be lovely to be able to send 'em all to Cherie Byrd's Kissing School in Seattle, not all of us can afford it. Now you don't
have to: Byrd brings her lessons to us in this book full of tips and exercises to perk up your pucker.2. According to Kissing School, what is T-mail?
a) A way to send kisses by e-mail
b) A way to "touch" your partner by e-mail
c) A way to communicate with your partner telepathically
d) The act of connecting with your partner over tea
Naughty Girls' Night In: Start Your Own Sex-Toy Party Business by Shana Duthie and Stacey Jewell (Ulysses Press)
Home sex-toy parties have become the Tupperware parties of our generation. Hey, you can have a lot more fun with a plastic vibrator than a plastic bowl. And you get to discreetly shop for it in the comfort of your own home with a bunch of gal pals. It makes perfect sense. Why not profit from the trend and start your own sex-toy party empire? The authors of Naughty Girls' Night In run Lady Bliss, a successful California-based home sex-toy party company, and share their ideas on everything from how to plan the perfect party to how to choose the right business structure for your company.
3. Which of the following are not real sexual enhancement products?
a) Nipple Nibblers
b) Happy Penis Cream
c) Cleopatra Secret Cream
d) Hold Tight
Vaginas: An Owner's Manual by Dr. Carol Livoti and Elizabeth Topp (Thunder's Mouth Press)
What do you do when you're a writer and your mom's an ob-gyn? Write a book about vaginas, of course! Described as an "owner's manual," Vaginas is packed with practical, fun and helpful bits about your bits, from periods to hot flashes and sex to pregnancy. Did you know there is no such thing as a miscarriage in medical terminology? Whether you choose it or not, physicians call an early end to pregnancy an abortion.
And you gotta love the website: vaginas411.com.
4. Pregnancy tests in the '60s involved:
a) Injecting pig urine
b) Injecting rats
c) An ovary injection
d) Wearing paisley
Superdate: How to Be One, How to Get One by Tracey Cox (DK)
Whether you want to make someone fall in love or kick ass at speed dating, Superdate shows you how simple it can be if you learn to speak the language - the body language that is. You may get tongue-tied on a date, but luckily your body speaks for you (often more loudly and honestly). Cox shows you (literally, using lots of pics) the meaning of something as simple as a flash of a woman's inner wrist - it says, "I'm open to talking to you." Or how to use the salt shaker on a first date to find out if he or she is interested - casually play with it, pushing it discreetly over to their side of the table. If they don't push it back, things are looking good!
5. What is the perfect distance to stand apart from someone you have just met?
a) 1-12 inches
b) 12-18 inches
c) 18-48 inches
d) 48-58 inches
One-night-stand season
Summer is sexy and freeing, making it the perfect one-night-stand season. In My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands (Bloomsbury), author Chelsea Handler shares her true-life stories of memorable one-nighters, including a fling with a Vegas stripper and a dalliance with a well-endowed little person. I'll tell you more about it in a future column, but first I want you to send me your best one-night stand stories: the good, the bad and the ugly.
Winners of the top three best stories will win: #1: Superdate by Tracey Cox. #2: Kissing School by Cherie Byrd. #3: Naughty Girls' Night In by Shana Duthie and Stacey Jewell.
Send stories to me at letters@joseyvogels.com.
Answers:
1. (d) Offset an I-shaped figure with "The Natural," a wide oval-shaped "do" that will round you out.
2. (c) "Telepathic-mail" is the act of tuning in to each other's energy and connecting without speaking.
3. Trick question: All of them are. Honest.
4. (b) Physicians injected a rat with the patient's urine and then did an autopsy to see if its ovaries became red and swollen, which indicated the woman was pregnant.
5. (c) But people from densely populated countries and city dwellers tend to stand closer.
| Messy remedial reading or going at it 'old school' style? |
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I know I've said it before but it still seems like the obvious thing to add to this discussion. You can spend this summer *reading* about sex OR you can spend this summer *having* it. Your choice, think about it.
<<>>
Having said this, I need to add that having sex for sex's sake just sucks...and not in that fun way you probably like. We still live an age of AIDS and a whole legion of STDs so if you're not mature enough to know the score and take the appropriate measures then maybe, just maybe, you do need some quality time with a book or two because clearly you jumped a few chapters to get to the good stuff. Enjoy your summer however you will but don't be a dunce about it. That's it, that's all...
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Pedro Eggers
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{1 vote}
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I always look forward to reading Josey's columns.
I remember when college literature professors would require students to read at least 3 non-fiction books over the summer and discuss them upon our return in the fall.
Technically speaking, these books are non-fiction, right?
I can just imagine the discussions that will ensue after reading some of these books! And if that doesn't go over so well, I'm sure any biology class can benefit from some new knowledge provided by these books....hmmm.....right?
Happy reading everyone!
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Yogesh Patel
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{5 votes}
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If you don't feel like reading but still want to learn a thing or two over the weekend, Carmen Electra recently released a video. It follows the objective of the first book described in the sense that it wants to make you look good in the buff.
I wouldn't trust Electra if she had published a book because I would know that some editors would have changed some of her great ways to express herself. But the great thing about a video is that she can talk from the heart about a topic she cherishes.
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Marc Charette
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{16 votes}
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These books do sound interesting. but I will have to read them in the privacy of my own home. I somehow can't see myself reading this kind of book on the bus or metro. Of course, I could always wrap a copy of Business Weekly around it so people won't know how perverse I really am. I am so glad the answers were given at the end of the article. I actually scored very well!
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Heath Abram
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{26 votes}
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| As if people didn't have enough problems with self-image... |
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Regarding question 1: with all due respect, I don't think that anyone actually needs advice on pubic "dos." I expected this to be a trick question, and was disappointed to find that Josey actually endorses some (otherwise cool) fashionista's diktats. Shouldn't the answer have been: "Whatever you and your lover like best--who else's opinion should have precedence over yours down there?"
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Charles Montpetit
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{14 votes}
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| Looks like I'll need to .... |
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check out these books!
I'm especially interested in the "tupperware" style sex toy parties. I've always wanted to attend one to see what it would be like, and have a few laughs with some friends. Now I want to HOST one!
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Nancy Garbish
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{13 votes}
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Ok, this is right up my alley. Some books to help me bone up on my knowledge of all things sexual - playful and practical. They all sound like light, entertaining, edifying summer's fare - now if only I could surmount my shyness at the thought of actually wandering into a bookstore to procure one of these delightful tomes.
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Mark St Pierre
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{13 votes}
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