Eat and be merry
Josey Vogels
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When muff-diving, don't be afraid to get messy
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There's a reason you never see the "pinch and roll" in porn movies. It looks funny. Instead, they show a guy frantically flicking his tongue across a woman's clit while she's moaning and writhing in ecstasy. Which is crap because, ask most women, tongue flicking is low on their priority list. The reason the technique is popular in porn, suggests Chanelle Gallant, Good for Her manager and our muff-diving teacher for the evening, is because if you know what you're doing down there, there's not much to see. Not so conducive to a visual medium like porn. Ergo, the flicking.
A flat tongue is better, Gallant tells us, while we all grab mango halves and sloooowly glide our flat tongues from bottom to top.
I hadn't eaten and was having a hard time not devouring the thing.
Which is the problem with most cunnilinguists, says Gallant. They dive into the meal before she's even comfortably seated at the table.
Women take an average of 20 minutes to orgasm from oral sex, Gallant informs us, give or take.
Unless you have a mechanical tongue, you're probably not going to be able to flick that long anyway.
Which is why the "pinch and roll" comes in handy. It's easier to understand if you see it -- which we did thanks to a video clip Gallant showed us from Nina Hartley's Advanced Guide to Oral Sex - but imagine her outer labia and clitoral hood are like a roll of plastic wrap. Pinch (gently) with both hands and stretch it out and down over her vulva. Or make a "V" with your thumb and forefinger
and, pointing down, place it on either side of her outer labia and squeeze. This externally stimulates the lower (and most sensitive) part of her vagina and the internal bits of her clitoris. Yes, that little bud (the glans) is just the tip of the pleasureburg. The rest of the clit - the shaft and legs, or crura - is buried inside. The key is to avoid direct stimulation of the clit until she's good and ready for dessert (if you feel her tense and pulling away, she's still enjoying her entrée). Try flat-tongued figure eights over the entire length of her vulva and up around the hood.
You want to build excitement as opposed to focus on orgasm. "Goals and orgasms don't mix," offers Gallant.
If your tongue gets tired, drag your wet bottom lip up the entire length of her vulva. Or keep your tongue still and give your head a shake. Slip her vagina the tongue.
And just because it's called "oral" sex, this is not a "look Ma, no hands" situation. Slide a (lubed, never dry) finger or two inside - curved and pointed up to hit her G-spot - while licking.
And lose the moves. If you must trace letters with your tongue, at least be playful and spell out a secret message, rather than the alphabet. Too contrived.
The best thing is to "surrender your expectations to what is happening rather than what you want to happen," says Gallant.
Follow her lead, even hanging back rather than pushing forward at the first sign of success.
"If she gets super psyched at a certain point, don't focus on it," advises Gallant. "Keep following and wait for the signal."
Like the "don't stop what you're doing or I'll kill you" head grab.
In which case, a little vacuum suction on the clit might help kick her over.
If she's not there yet, take a mental note of the hot spot and return often.
If you want to lead at all, get her to tell you what she likes.
Questions like Harder? Softer? Faster? Slower? lend themselves to simple one-word answers.
But if she's quiet, don't automatically think things aren't going well. It may be the opposite. "Women often moan to take care of his pleasure," explains Gallant. "This is one time where she is given permission to be completely focused and enjoy herself."
The last thing she needs from her partner is pressure to come.
"That's why women fake it," says Gallant. "She knows your ego is on the line if she doesn't come. We also compare ourselves to men. The problem is, dudes are fast. We're not."
Ironically, the more you chill and make her feel like you're happy to hang out for as long as it takes, the more quickly she'll come.
Which is tough to do when your neck is cramped and lockjaw's set in.
So try different positions, like her on all fours on the bed with you kneeling on the floor behind, or her sitting on the edge of a chair or bed with you kneeling before her.
"If you're not comfy, you won't stay, so change," says Gallant.
Tense and release your jaw to limber it up between moves. Once you lose your jaw stamina, it's tough to get it back. "This means you're burning out too fast," warns Gallant. You need to mix it up some more.
If and when she does come (she may not and that may be okay as long as she enjoyed the ride), plant a big wet one on her.
Even if she doesn't like it, it sends the message you think she's yummy and delicious rather than "I'm dirty and must go clean up."
"Not all of us are over the idea we grow up with, that we're smelly and gross," she says. "This kind of gesture can help."
Think you've got it? Well, lucky you, just like every woman is different (which is why the old "that worked for the last chick, so what's wrong with you" attitude doesn't jive), every session with the same woman can be different.
Best get used to it. As Gallant says, most women don't orgasm from intercourse alone, so for many women, oral sex is "coreplay" not "foreplay."
For more information about Good for Her workshops or to order toys and books online, go to www.goodforher.com.
oooShake Your Boudoir
I can't believe it's been 12 years since the first Boudoir at the Lion d'Or. Check out this year's fabulous night of burlesque-inspired entertainment July 2 at Lion d'Or, or make a weekend of it and start with the Meow Mix pre-party July 1 with the funnest band in Montreal, Lesbians On Ecstasy, at La Sala Rossa, and wrap it all up with a Sunday all-day brunch at Corona Theatre. For more info, visit leboudoir.org.
| Cuming Home To Dinner........ |
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In a world where good art needs an appreciative eye, where getting ready to go out takes some prep time and where women's orgasms are a thing of patience, Josey's article this week has given me a fantastic-sounding technique to incorporate under the covers.
Pinch and Roll huh...well that sounds like a move used by an infantryman creeping up to the frontline of the battlegrounds. I guess sex is kind of like that anyways. You know, planning what kind of moves might work with your steady or with your new "hot heat". Making sure your weapon doesn't fall into enemy hands too early, looking your captured prey in the eyes and then bursting into a freeforall of foreplay and lipsucking.
A woman's body is a thing of beauty and undiscovered pleasure. There are so many soft spots and sensitive areas to discover that sometimes three hours is not enough. But in this world of fast-fast-fast, it's too bad that orgasms couldn't be sped up a little bit.
There may be some truth though that as you get to know each other more in the relationship and the intimacy you share, that you'll be able to guide each other to what pleases you and eliminate the moves that are pointless. There's something magical about spooning and feeling that you don't want to be anywhere else but right there with your lover.
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Steve Landry
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{45 votes}
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| Brain is most important sex organ |
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After having a steamy erotic dream I suddenly wake up to notice liquid spurting out of my penis and a very satisfying orgasmic feeling all over even though there has been no physical stimulation. It seems the conscious brain often puts the brakes on orgasms as you need so much physical stimulation to achieve it. Twenty minutes of tongue licking is almost like an endurance sport. The sex toy industry also wants to convince us that their devices will always guarantee results but this is an expensive option. However with lots of mental concentration even women will have an easier time reaching orgasm. I think it is shameful that they have to pretend all the time. It just builds up frustration. Sex manuals should rather teach us how to channel our thoughts to get the best sex.
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Stephen Talko
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{1 vote}
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Well, tips on giving that certain special lady friend a memorably pleasurable tongue-lashing are always most welcome. Most guys, myself included have developed certain techniques, many of which, have been alluded to in the article but they definitely have to be tweaked not only to suit the particular lass, but often even fine-tuned to suit her given mood, not unlike the ole bump'n'grind.
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Mark St Pierre
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{4 votes}
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At the minute I am thousands of miles away from my boyfriend and have been starved of any action for over 5 weeks (extra-curricular activities - so to speak - just don't do it for me). Reading this article, which focused on slippery and sensual ways to please us girls has made me a little hot and bothered as all that's going through my head now is all the sensual pleasures I am missing out on, all the lickings and thrustings and enticements and rushes and tingles (as well as cuddles and kisses and talking) that I'm missing.
I can't wait to get back to Montreal now for some super summer loving
got to rush upstairs now....
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Ellen Reid
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{10 votes}
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| Messy guide to giving her good oral action |
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I won't be the bold bastard that says that this edition of My Messy Bedroom was a waste of my time. Frankly, no guy in his right mind ever turns down good advice on great sex but I do feel the need to point something out that ought to be obvious but I suspect isn't for a lot of people reading this column right now. The helpful advice found inside is great and useful but do keep in mind one simple truth: different strokes for different folks.
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Not to be glib or nothing but no two people get off exactly the same way. By that same token, no two people have the same bedroom skills. Maybe you prefer tongue action. Maybe you prefer hand action. Maybe your strenght lies in your natural technique and not what the experts say. That doesn't make the experts wrong, maybe that just makes them wrong for you. Before you take anything as gospel I suggest you play around a bit to see what works best for you and for the one you're with. Who knows, maybe you'll stumble onto something no one's mentioned?
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Pedro Eggers
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{11 votes}
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| Wow, look at that display. |
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I just back from the Canada Day Fireworks display and witnessed a woman who had an apparent orgasm watching certain fireworks go off. A few looks her way didn't disuade her and the guy she was with was laughing kind of nervously at her "display". Maybe, there's a percentage of women who get off watching explosions? Never heard of it until tonight but she was moaning and screaming like she had a vibrator in her g-string. Tickle,tickle.
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Bernadette Isobel McCaffrey
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{6 votes}
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| Do a little lick, make a little love... |
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"Get down tonight".
Great article. I never realized just how important oral was to a girl.
Good to know for future reference, And this article was filled with some tips that will most certainly make the next time more enjoyable for both of us.
MY only question is, how long were you guys practising on the mango's before enough was enough, and some people just had to get their freak on?
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Jeremy King
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{8 votes}
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