V for Vixen
Laura Roberts
lroberts@hour.ca
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Old-school "queer"? Simeon Solomon's 1864 Sappho and Erinna at Mytilene
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Getting bent
A friend of mine recently informed me that she no longer identifies herself as a lesbian, preferring the term "queer" instead. When I mentioned this to another woman-loving woman, I was told that most prefer to identify themselves as queer or, sometimes, bisexual. Taking a quick and totally unscientific Twitter and Facebook poll, it seems that most of the people I know, regardless of their sexual orientation, agree that "queer" is the better word. Which got me thinking: What's the real difference between all those letters that make up the LGBT rainbow? Aren't "lesbian" and "queer" just synonyms, describing women who love other women? Is this just a matter of terminology or do these terms really mean something concretely different?Some of the people who responded to my poll suggested that the terms are roughly interchangeable, but said they might depend on the context. For instance, "dyke" might only properly be used by other queers, otherwise it can come off as an insult. Alternatively, dyke may only refer to a certain subgenre of lesbian, indicating very butch (as opposed to femme) physical qualities. Thus, to refer to all lesbians as dykes doesn't really fly, unless you yourself identify as a dyke.
Others said that they felt the term "queer" was more of a catch-all than "lesbian," as women may be interested in men as well as other women. Some said they liked to think of themselves as queer because although they have loved women in the past and been involved with them sexually, they are currently
in serious relationships with men. Still others suggested that "sapphic" or even "bent" may be a better term for people who are bi-curious or questioning, but who are not necessarily sexually active with members of their own gender.How's that for confusing?
All of these terms still seem like synonyms to me. After all, many people who consider themselves straight will still identify themselves as such, despite any interest in people of their own gender in the past. Indeed, there doesn't seem to be any similar debate when it comes to gay men, who tend to use the words "gay" and "queer" interchangeably. So why all the flip-flopping when it comes to lesbians?
At this point, I suspect some people would be tempted to make a lame comment like, "That's women for you: They can never make up their minds." Despite the lameness of this particular sentiment, I wonder if there's actually some truth to this remark. After all, we women do tend to shape-shift throughout our lives, both physically and mentally, often feeling the need to reinvent ourselves, be different people on different days, even at different times in the same day.
Whether it's a result of hormonal shifts or simply a desire for change is largely irrelevant. The point is that women are regularly accused of not being able to "make up our minds" because we do often express a plurality of desires. And most of us embrace these multiple (and even conflicting) thoughts and moods and methods of self-expression, exploring our various identities with every waking hour.
No wonder we can't decide on just one term to apply to all our non-hetero relationships.
Which leads me to another interesting point that came up in my Facebook polling: that the overwhelming preference for the term "queer" by women might indicate that there aren't actually any "real" "lesbians" out there at all. One respondent noted that she has known a few "true-blue lesbians, who only date women and only ever will date women," but said she wasn't sure if women, in general, were being a bit coy about describing their sexuality because of an essential fluidity or because of some kind of social pressure to leave the door open for men. She wondered if those who describe themselves as "lesbians" come off as man-hating, which would thus make the term seem distasteful, in the same way that "feminist" has, currently, almost become a slur. Do women who love women describe themselves as queer in order to avoid being accused of political incorrectness towards men?
The debate rages on, with interesting and intelligent points in favour of each of the proposed terms, and in the end, it's really just a matter of personal preference. So what do you think? Is there any particular terminology that you prefer? If you're lesbian, queer or questioning, I'd be interested in hearing your take on the matter. Write to me at lroberts@hour.ca and share your thoughts.
SO. As one of the aforementioned sluts that change their minds all the time (i kid, but not about the slut part) I gotta weigh-in. I just think the debate does well under a lens of sexual fluidity. It all makes sense when you consider that many of the members of the "lesbian community" will either hook up with a guy, or themselves become a guy, or even date a formely-female-now-a-guy type person. Follow me so far? It's about crossing boundaries of gender and allowing your sexuality to flow from your particular stance at that particular moment in your life. Sex is personal, that's not new. And men, gay men too, go through sexual changes too. Maybe as teenagers they loved a good wank and a nice porno, and now it's about BDSM or vanilla sex with your long time partner. Embrace changing sexualities! Break those molds!
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Lina harper
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