Is this guy funny?
Paul Spence
Former SNL funny guy and future Late Night host Jimmy Fallon answers the question... and then some
You know how it seems that most people who win the lottery wind up losing all their money, and become hobos in dirt-stained trousers who wear T-shirts that say, "I'm not lazy, I'm a cat"? It's because Hades' tools are many, and the desire for that which we have not is one of the sharpest in the shed.Humans have an insatiable appetite for that which seems impossible (Bill Gates is trying to buy space, in its entirety), and when it happens it freaks us out. This phenomenon explains why Jimmy Fallon, who as a child religiously re-enacted Saturday Night Live skits with his sister, quit after only four seasons on the show he'd always dreamed of being on. But thanks to the rigorous workload and sometimes suffocating nature of the writing room, the glitter of being an SNL cast member often wears off, and many of the show's funniest members drop out early on, as did Fallon.
But is Fallon funny? That's the question that America is asking now that he's been given the nod to take over Conan's much-coveted late-night talk show spot. Certainly, headlining the Just For Laughs comedy festival indicates that some people think he's funny; it was my assignment to find out whether they were right or not.
Do you remember taking your first taxi alone in New York?
Sure. It's one of those things you don't ever forget. Like your first sexual experience. Actually, it was my first sexual experience.
If L.A. was a sound, what sound would it be?
The clinking of glasses, clicking
cameras and the sounds of rejection. Kind of like the Fallon family reunions.And New York?
Horns honking, the snores of passed-out derelicts, people yelling at each other... again, like the sounds of my family reunion.
Cleveland?
See New York. Add 40 pounds.
What's the worst advice you've ever given?
There is no such thing as taking too much acid.
Do you have a dark side?
I have 12 hours of Bob Ross episodes on my TiVo right now. Does that count?
Pamela Anderson reupholsters furniture in her spare time; do any other stars' surprising off-camera skills/hobbies come to mind?
Not many people know this, but the Olsen twins are nearly unbeatable at Beer Pong.
How about you?
I'm actually the only one that can beat the Olsens at Beer Pong. Well, me and Win Butler, but I don't think he plays anymore.
Your cheap side comes out when you...
...have to spend my money on someone else.
Moustaches make you...
Jealous. Dangerously jealous.
What lesson in love have you put into practice more than once?
Saying, "This doesn't always happen."
You made the Top 50 Beautiful People list. What comes to mind when you catch sight of your nude self in the mirror?
I wish that the Kenny Rogers tattoo was a little farther away from my groin.
What are your thoughts on waterbeds?
They're one of the three ingredients in my recipe for the perfect romantic evening. The other two are mah' Bum Fights DVD and a 2 Live Crew record.
What would be your ultimate way to die, and what would you make for yourself if you had to make yourself your own last meal?
I would like to go down on a burning party boat/booze cruise. My last meal would be a Turducken. It consists of getting a chicken... stuffing it up a duck and taking that duck... and shoving it up a turkey. Then you deep-fry it in a medieval sized vat of boiling oil. That would be used to start the booze cruise fire in the first place.
What's the worst thing you've done in the past 24 hours?
I had a threesome with A-Rod and Lenny Kravitz.
What's the largest tip you've ever given?
I once tipped the police off that there was a jumper on the Brooklyn Bridge.
What were the circumstances?
I was wiping off clown makeup with pages from my diary on the ledge of the Brooklyn Bridge.
What was the first real impulse/expensive thing you purchased after you started working on Saturday Night Live?
A Y2K survival kit, and I put down money for Chinese Democracy.
What's the major misconception people have of you? What do you do to remedy that?
That I laugh at my own jokes. Honestly, I don't write more than half of the stuff I laugh at. (Ha, ha. That was funny, right? 'Cause I didn't write it... so... it wasn't funny? Good, cause I didn't like it either. Right?)
What music do you listen to when you're having dinner?
It depends. With red wine it's GWAR. With white wine it's "live" GWAR.
Do you have a lucky trinket?
That's another name for it, sure.
What's the oldest thing you own?
I have Larry King's little black book from when he was a single man. If anyone wants to Morse code Eleanor Roosevelt, email me.
What's a word you've never spoken, but always wanted to use?
"WasitgoodforyouOprah?"
What's your least favourite domestic chore?
Every other week I have to steam-clean my solid gold toilet seat for sanitary purposes. Take my advice, go platinum.
Having reached a comfortable place financially, are there unseemly tasks you still perform that you could otherwise have someone else do?
I still tip my home bathroom attendants. It keeps me grounded.
If you were to get trapped in your own living room overnight with one song on repeat the whole time, what song would it be?
Definitely something that's not too annoying. Maybe that Cotton-Eyed Joe song?
If you had a two-headed dog, what would you call it?
Jeff Jeffstopherson.
When you were a teenager, what did you think the future (now) would be like?
I never had a real clear vision of the future when I was a teenager, other than assuming we'd have a black president within 15 years and be starting wars for no reason.
What do you think your teenaged self would think of the present?
My teenaged self would be shocked at the amount of body hair that I have.
As a Catholic, were you ever an altar boy?
I loved being an altar boy. I used to work the 6:45 mass three times a week. 6:45 in the morning. You really have to be into it to do that. I was. I loved the smell of incense. And it was always a cool day at work if you got to ring the bells. I was really into it. I still wear my cassock every now and then.
Do you have a "mystery" drawer beside your bed, or in your bedroom dresser, that collects miscellaneous odds and ends? Did your father? What was/is in those drawers?
OxyContin and a loaded .45. Like father, like son.
In order of preference, name the top 5 condiments in your refrigerator.
Gulden's Spicy Mustard, Gulden's Extra Spicy Mustard, Gulden's Super Spicy Mustard, Gulden's Super Extra Spicy Mustard, and Gulden's Ass Bleeder Mustard.
What's the most common question you get asked by interviewers?
Are those real?
What do you say?
The left one is.
Ultimately, the oft-cruel American public will be the judge of Jimmy's prowess as a humorist, but in my estimation, "I was wiping off clown makeup with pages from my diary" is the stuff my dreams are made of.
Jimmy Fallon Gala
As part of Just For Laughs, w/ David O'Doherty, Maz Jobrani, Greg Behrendt, Charlypop, Cathy Ladman, Billy Gardell, Derek Edwards
At Théâtre St-Denis 1 (1594 St-Denis), July 19, 7 and 10 p.m.
truth,
He's funnier than Connan. Lets face it, if you are 15 to 22, Connan is funnier. But for those of us with a sober brain, and those of us who have a little bit more to relate to; Jimmy is much funnier. I find his humor to be classier (? ok, I'm streaching here) and more sophisticated. I think Connan better watch out!
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greg doss
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I'll admit it, I don't know how I feel yet about Late Night with Jimmy Fallon but I'll tell you all this for free--thank God, it's not Late Night with Dane Cook because that would just suck. As soon as it was announced that Conan O'Brien was sliding into Jay Leno's spot it was a big race to see who would take over for Conan but in the end, in my humble opinion, the lesser of two evils won out. A kinda funny and clever guy is always better than an unfunny ass with a microphone. 'Nuff said.
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Pedro Eggers
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